The No on I-502 Pledge

There is a great scene in the Quentin Tarantino movie Inglorious Basterds where the Nazi-hunter played by Brad Pitt, Lt. Aldo Raine, is using his knife to carve a swastika scar into the forehead of the Nazi, Col. Hans Landa, he is releasing.  His reasoning?

Lt. Aldo Raine: I don’t blame ya! Damn good deal! And that purty little nest you feathered for yourself. Well, if you’re willing to barbecue the whole high command, I ‘spose that’s worth certain considerations. But I do have one question. When you get to your little place on Nantucket Island, I ‘magine you’re gonna take off that handsome-lookin’ S.S. uniform of yours, ain’tcha?… That’s what I thought. Now that I can’t abide. How ’bout you Utivich, can you abide it?

Pfc. Smithson Utivich: [finishes scalping Herrmann] Not one damn bit, sir.

Lt. Aldo Raine: I mean, if I had my way… you’d wear that goddamn uniform for the rest of your pecker-suckin’ life. But I’m aware that ain’t practical, I mean at some point you’re gonna hafta take it off. So. I’m ‘onna give you a little somethin’ you can’t take off.

[Cut to Landa screaming and crying as Raine carves a swastika into his forehead]

Lt. Raine could not abide the notion of Col. Landa taking off his Nazi uniform and not having to answer for all the death and destruction his service to Hitler brought about.

I was thinking of this today as I read the Esquire piece on that “great prohibitionist” Steve Sarich of CannaCare.  Here he is, pouring time and money into being the only organized opposition to marijuana legalization, proudly sporting that red No on I-502 t-shirt, and come November 7th, after I-502 wins, he’ll be able to take off that t-shirt.  And come December 6th, should state-licensed commercial marijuana take off, he could not only walk into any of the newly-legal weed stores to purchase legal marijuana, he could try to become a state-licensed grower, processor, or retailer to make money off of I-502!

Now, I don’t mean to equate No on I-502 opposition to the abominations of Nazi Germany.  I also don’t think it’s good policy to cut scars into people’s foreheads for later identification.

However, I think all of the people who smoke pot and have been so vocal about defeating I-502 owe the rest of us healthy pot smokers a pledge to put their money where their mouth is.  So to Steve Sarich, Steve Elliott, Philip Dawdy, Doug Hiatt, Jeff Steinborn, Kari Boiter, Anthony Martinelli, and all the various commenters who show up in every blog piece about I-502 to spew their prohibition-supporting rhetoric, I call on them all to take…

The No on I-502 Pledge

Whereas the passage of Initiative 502 in Washington State to legalize an ounce of marijuana and institute state-licensed commercial marijuana operations is “bad law and will not pass”;

Whereas the passage of Initiative 502 will “throw patients under the bus”;

Whereas the passage of Initiative 502 “is not true legalization”;

I, ______________, do solemnly swear or affirm that I will take no profit from Initiative 502 when it passes on November 6th, 2012.

I will never enter a Washington state-licensed recreational marijuana store.

I will never become a state-licensed grower, processor, or retailer of recreational marijuana.

I will never write a review for a Washington state-licensed recreational marijuana store.

I will never smoke any marijuana that came from a Washington state-licensed grower, processor, or retailer.

If I am ever in an encounter with law enforcement and I have less than an ounce of marijuana in my possession, I will donate what would have been the misdemeanor fine to charity and what would have been the 24hr mandatory minimum jail stay I will perform as hours of community service.

Now to be fair, I’m sure they’ll want some return pledge from us to cover all the devastation that will be wrought because of the per se DUID standard.  So pro-legalization voters, I will call on you in return to take…

The Yes on I-502 Pledge

Whereas the passage of Initiative 502 in Washington State to legalize an ounce of marijuana and institute state-licensed commercial marijuana operations has made a concession on marijuana impaired driving not consistent with actual impairment;

Whereas some medical marijuana patients fear Initiative 502 will mean the end of their driving privileges;

Whereas marijuana prohibition has to end somehow and Initiative 502 is our best hope to do that;

I, ______________, do solemnly swear or affirm that I will for one month chauffeur any marijuana consumer convicted of a 5ng per se DUID.

I will also pay the court costs and attorney fees of any marijuana consumer convicted of a 5ng per se DUID.

However, to prove the marijuana consumer would not have been convicted of a DUID anyway without Initiative 502, the marijuana consumer must provide evidence of a Washingtonian who was acquitted of a DUID with the same ng/ml reading entered into trial evidence before Initiative 502.

Furthermore, for every marijuana consumer who beats a DUID charge when they have less than 5ng THC in their blood we subtract one day from the chauffeur duties penalty.

Print-friendly version of the whole post