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So, You Want to be a White Nationalist? Here’s How!

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So, You Want to be a White Nationalist? Here’s How!

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I was very disturbed by a recent post I read on the Huffington. It’s about an anti-abortion crusader who has become a white nationalist, as if there’s much of a shift involved in that. She opines:

“I admit to being racist by today’s standards, but I also think almost everyone is racist by today’s standards,” she wrote. “Is it racist to live in a majority white neighborhood? Send your kids to majority white schools? When I was a kid ‘racism’ meant hatred for another race and/or acting on that hatred. Now you’re a racist if you touch a black person’s hair because you think it’s pretty.”

Hatten added that while she is proud to be white, she does not identify as a white nationalist or a white supremacist because she believes all races have a right to their own homelands.

“I do see that Europe and the US are becoming… well, not European,” she wrote. “This concerns me not because I hate anyone, but for the same reason Japan would be concerned if the Japanese were becoming a minority in Japan. No people should be excited to become a minority in their homeland. It is contrary to human nature. I wouldn’t expect it of any race and I don’t think it should be expected of whites.”

My heart aches for poor Ms. Hatten. Being white in America is a passing phase, with whites expected to lose majority status by 2042. Yes, whites will still be the largest ethnic group in the US, but only a plurality.

So, with this existential fear of Ms. Hatten’s white grandkids being forced to grow up in a country where there are more black, brown, yellow, and red faces in the crowd than white ones, it’s time for the white nationalists to set up their white homeland, once and for all!

But where to go? There are just two states – Maine and Vermont – estimated to be almost 95 percent white. Let’s say they pick Vermont, being the smaller of the two, and they move out all the non-white people (it’s an American tradition, after all). That’s about 32,000 people. Figure it’ll cost $50,000 to relocate each person, give or take, so let’s say $1.6 billion.

Maybe Ms. Hatten and her white nationalist friends can start a GoFundMe. “Help Us Create Whytopia!”

Now, being the new white homeland, they’re going to have to make a whole lot of changes. Obviously, all the Taco Bells and Popeyes Fried Chicken restaurants have to be closed. As well as the Italian, Chinese, Indian, Mexican, Mongolian, and every other non-white food restaurants. Only Cracker Barrels and Applebee’s will be left for dining out.

Then, they’ll have to purge all of the radio stations of rock’n’roll, jazz, hip-hop, rap, rhythm & blues, salsa, merengue, blues, and flamenco music. It’s nothing but Wagnerian opera, bluegrass, and polkas to jam to in the Whytopia.

Don’t forget the television stations, too. No more re-runs of Sanford & Son, Good Times, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, The Cosby Show, Black-ish, and Chico & the Man, obviously. But once they start to realize just how many shows might feature a black commentator, a Hispanic character, or an Asian director, they’ll find that you can only turn on those “Decades” channels that run episodes of Lassie and The Andy Griffith Show.

Upon deeper inspection, citizens of Whytopia will be forced to completely reconfigure their social and work calendars, too. Off to work on the third Monday of January, since Martin Luther King Day won’t be respected. And forget those margaritas on Cinco de Mayo. (St. Patrick’s Day and Columbus Day will still be celebrated, but only if those Irish and Italians keep in line.) Sports won’t be the same, either, as badminton, curling, and polo replace football, basketball, and baseball. (Hockey and golf might be enjoyed on occasion.)

And since Whytopians will want to have nothing to do with things produced by non-white cultures, they’ll be forced to reject peanut butter, heart transplants, automatic transmissions, blood transfusions, clothes dryers, electric lamps, folding chairs, gas furnaces, gas masks, home security systems, scooped ice cream, lawn mowers, lawn sprinklers, mail boxes, locks, toilets, mops, pacemakers, potato chips, suspenders, thermostats, touch-tone phones, and traffic lights. Also, no more color TVs, oral contraceptives, electric brakes, photography, ballpoint pens, artificial hearts, and vascular stents. Plus, forget about using paper, movable type printing, gunpowder, compasses, bells, wells, lacquer, noodles, acupuncture, paper currency, cast iron, fishing reels, gas lighting, incense, playing cards, rockets, seismometers, sunglasses, toilet paper, umbrellas, wheelbarrows, e-cigarettes, and synthetic insulin.

I think once they actually get it all set up and absolutely purged of all non-white influence, the people of Whytopia will long for some diversity.

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