It’s 40 minutes before kickoff, and wathing ESPN’s kickoff show because my ABC affiliate here thought it was more important to show their local news show than the Britney Spears / Aerosmith / Mary J. Bilge / Aretha Franklin NFL Kickoff special. Good thing, too, because if I really wanted to know more about the fire that happened yesterday that shut down the freeway forty miles away from here, I just couldn’t watch the NBC, CBS, or FOX local news carrying the same damn thing!
Anyway, on the ESPN show, they did a feature on the Hogettes, the super-fans of the Washington RacialSlurs. The Hogettes were born in 1982, and have gone on to appear in commercials and Jay Leno’s show. You knew that they were named for the Washington Super Bowl teams’ offensive line: the Hogs. But did you know that the average size of that offensive line was 6’6″, 260lbs.? Guess who else is 6’6″, 260lbs.? Vikings QB Daunte Culpepper. You can’t find an OL below 300lbs anymore.
But of course, the Hogettes are not the greatest sports fans in the NFL. You know who I’m going to pick, But anyway, here’s the “Radical” Russ Top 5 NFL Fans:
#5) Bob Swerski’s (da Bearsssss!) Super Fans. Yes, the skit from SNL with George Wendt & Chris Farley. They only place 5th because they are a scripted show, but they personify the sports fans of Chicago. I watched the Bulls ’97 championship run whiole working in Chicago, and being in a sports bar during that time was magical.
#4) The Hogettes. Great look – the cross-dressing with the moustaches – but major points taken away for supporting a team with a racial slur for a nickname. Also, they’re not inclusive. I mean that you don’t see other fans dressing as Hogettes at home, and you never see Hogettes on the road. The Hogettes are officially six or seven guys. This is also why Fireman Ed of the J-E-T-S or Barrel-Man from the Denver Broncos don’t make the list – no one else can dress up as them.
#3) Raider Nation / Black Hole. They probably get my vote for the most creative dressers – Darth Raider, Raider-Shield Head, and various biker uglies straight out of a Mad Max movie. However, they lose points for occasionally stabbing the fans of other teams.
#2) The Dawg Pound. They dress up as dogs, even though the team is not the Cleveland Dogs. They have a section named after them. They are big and fat and drink lots and lots of beer. They go shirtless when the weather drops below freezing. They might rate as the #1 fans if not for two things: they occasionally throw batteries at the opposing players and they do not root for Green Bay.
#1) The Cheeseheads/ They dress up as cheese, even though the team is not the Green Bay Cheeses – but they are named after the color of the Packers’ helmets. Their team jumps into the stands to mingle among them. You can see Cheeseheads at every Packers game, even on the road. They are big and fat and drink lots of beer and fat-laden sausages. They go shirtless when the weather drops below freezing. And they never throw anything at anybody.
