I know there’s lots of young Republican men out there just itching to enlist in the military. I read so much about how they support the troops and believe in George W. Bush’s mission to Democratize the Middle East by Blowing the Hell Out of It. But sadly, too many of today’s “chairborne warriors” fear that their sedentary, beer-gut lifestyle disqualifies them from a spot among America’s Brave Fighting Forces. The most patriotic thing we could do, they insist, is to leave these “yellow elephants” stateside to ridicule liberal questioning of the war and to implore the government to round up these traitors and send them to Iraq in place of their fat, out-of-shape asses.

So I read CNN today and learn that the Young Republicans may be on to something…

Jon Schoenherr expected a warm reception when he walked into an Army recruiting office in this Midwestern farm community, intending to enlist. But a sergeant gave the 17-year-old some surprising news. “He told me I’d have to lose a little bit of weight,” said Schoenherr, who dropped 50 pounds to qualify.

After weighing in at 215 pounds, he did his own boot camp during his senior year in high school, going to the recruiting center for 6 a.m. workouts, then downing a boiled egg or two and orange juice before heading to class.

Lunch would be “tuna fish right out of the can” or a low-carb wrap at school, he said. After school, he’d lift weights. He’s now a svelte 165 pounds and about to join a special forces unit.

“I’ve had some people who have lost close to 100 pounds to join,” said Sgt. Chad Eske, his recruiter.

Now there’s a perfect example of that personal responsibility I keep hearing the Republicans talking about!

But Jon is just one man; the military needs thousands. It looks like it is time for the Republican leaders to start calling for mandatory phys. ed. classes. Bring out Gov. Schwarzenegger for the televised calisthenics…

[O]ne of the biggest worries concerns those not even in uniform yet: Nearly 2 out of 10 men and 4 out of 10 women of recruiting age weigh too much to be eligible, a record number for that age group.

“This is quickly becoming a national security issue for us. The pool of recruits is becoming smaller,” said Col. Gaston Bathalon, an Army nutrition expert.

Unless weight rules are relaxed, “we’re going to have a harder time fielding an Army,” he said.

See, it’s not liberals or the mainstream media that is hurting recruiting efforts, it’s the Biggie-Sized Triple Cheeseburger Combo at Wendy’s!