One of my favorite comedians these days is Bill Maher. Aside from his seat on the board of directors of PETA (what’s up with that?), he and I usually share political views. So when a Republican from Alabama thinks Maher should be cancelled and that Maher’s statements are treasonous, I know I’ve picked the right guy to watch.
Rep. Spencer Bachus, R-Ala., takes issue with remarks on HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, first aired May 13, in which Maher points out the Army missed its recruiting goal by 42 percent in April.
“More people joined the Michael Jackson fan club,” Maher said. “We’ve done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit, and now we need warm bodies.”
“I think it borders on treason,” Bachus said. “In treason, one definition is to undermine the effort or national security of our country.”
Bachus said he was appalled after watching a rerun of the show shortly after returning from a visit to Germany, in which he met with a paralyzed American soldier in the hospital. He has since written to Time Warner, HBO’s parent company.
“I don’t want (Maher) prosecuted,” Bachus said. “I want him off the air.”
Now, of course, Maher said nothing remotely treasonous. but he’s a lightning rod for these attacks. He had suggested, shortly after 9/11, that the 9/11 hi-jackers were anything but cowards, a sentiment I agree with. It’s an evil, heinous thing to do, but piloting a suicide jet or strapping on a vest full of explosives takes guts, determination, and a strong belief in your cause. Lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away, Maher continued, referring to US bombings, is cowardly. That got him a lot of heat and eventually got his “Politically Incorrect” show booted off of ABC (all the better, because now “Real Time” is on, it’s twice as long, and they can curse.)
Anyway, here’s the context of Maher’s remarks…
And finally, New Rule: The people in America who are most in favor of the Iraq war must now go there and fight it. The Army missed its recruiting goal by 42% last month. More people joined the Michael Jackson Fan Club. “We’ve done picked all the low-lying Lynndie England fruit.” And now we need warm bodies. We need warm bodies like Paula Abdul needs…warm bodies!
Now, last week, a Baptist minister in North Carolina told nine members of his congregation that unless they renounced their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they had to leave his church. Well, if we’re that certain these days that George Bush is always that right about everything, then going to Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader’s vision would seem the least one could do. And, hey, if it makes it any easier for you, just think of it as a reality show: “Fear Factor: Shitting Your Pants Edition.” “Survivor: Sunni Triangle.” Or maybe it’s a video game, “Grand Theft Allah.”
Now, I know you’re thinking, but, Bill, I already do my part with the “Support Our Troops” magnet I have on my Chevy Tahoe. How much more can one man give? Well, here’s an intriguing economic indicator. It’s been over a year since they graduated, but neither of the Bush twins has been able to find work. Why don’t they sign up? Do they hate America or just freedom in general?
And that goes for everybody who helped sell this war. You’ve got to go first. Brooks and Dunn, drop your cocks and grab your socks! Ann Coulter, darling, trust me, you will love the Army. You think you make up shit!
Curt Schilling, b-bye! You ended the curse on Boston. Good. Let’s try your luck in Fallouja. Oh, and that Republican Baldwin brother, he’s got to go so that Ted Nugent has someone to frag.
But mostly, we have to send Mr. And Mrs. Britney Spears. Because Britney once said, “We should trust our president in every decision that he makes, and we should just support that and be faithful in what happens.” Okay, somebody has to die for that. Or at least go. Hey, maybe she’ll like it. Hell, she’s already knocked up. That’ll save the MP unit about ten minutes.
And think of the spiritual lift it will provide to troops and civilians alike when actual combat smacks the smirk off of Kevin Federline‘s face and fills his low-hanging trousers with dootie.
And by this time I’m rolling on the floor, because I’ve been saying all along that the only way you should get a yellow ribbon magnet is as a promotional prize for signing your kids up for the military. But then Maher throws my cause a bone — marijuana regulation. The cause will be aided strongly by prominent, successful, non-stereotypical “stoners” coming “out of the closet” and publicly declaring that marijuana is doing them no harm. Maher’s always made pro-pot remarks, but this one…
In summation, you cannot advocate for something you wouldn’t do yourself. For example, I’m for fuel efficiency, which is why I drive a hybrid car and always take an electric private plane. I’m for legalizing marijuana, and so I smoke a ton of it.
…and the subsequent loud cheering and applause that line received gave me hope. So thank you, Bill Maher, for giving me one popular, nationally televised, comedy routine that blasted away at both of our illegal, ineffective, injurious, incalculably expensive wars. And thank you, Alabama Wingnut, for getting his statements more coverage in the mainstream press.
(Who wants to bet that in the near future, drug crimes will be given special dispensation that allows those found guilty a choice of fines/jail or joining the active military? No need for a draft when there’s close to 800,000 warm bodies being arrested for marijuana that could fill a brigade in Iraq just as easily as a cellblock in America…)
