With regard to whether sexuality is genetic or cultural, what difference does it make? Laws should treat me the same no matter how I choose to make my man butter — with a girl’s vagina, with a boy’s mouth, with a microwaved calf liver covered in plastic wrap, or with my own palm wrapped in duct tape and sandpaper while watching “The Golden Girls” upside down in a sauna.
Physically, we’re all bisexual. Rub that spot just the right way and it doesn’t matter if a man or a woman is doing it. Close your eyes and you can’t tell one mouth from another.
To the hypoChristian Procreation Enforcement Squad, sexuality has nothing to do with self and desire, it has everything to do with the sex act. To them, if Carson Kressly told everyone he was straight and was found banging Tara Reid at a party, they’d consider him straight, no matter how much he really wants to shag Carson Daly. Likewise, if Hugh Hefner himself was caught blowing a pool cleaning hunk at the Grotto, they’d consider him gay.
I often ask them this: “Do you believe in gay virgins?” That is to say, can you actually be gay if you’ve never even kissed a member of the same sex? Most of them tell me no, that they are just having “confused feelings”. I follow that up with, “so, if a gay virgin gets married and has sex with his wife and stays faithful, is he straight?” They usually say yes.
Now the trap is laid: “So, if a Christian goes to church every Sunday without fail, but in his head he’s praying to Satan and cursing the name of Jesus, is he going to heaven? After all, you’ve shown me that what is in a gay person’s heart doesn’t matter as much as his actions; I suppose what a person worships in their head doesn’t matter as much as their church attendance.”
I’ll never understand why anyone gives a damn about how someone else is screwing.
