For Super Bowl XXXIX, the powers-that-be are damned darned sure to not let any mocha mammaries or filth-flarrin’-filth escape during the halftime show. Fox’s Best Damn Sports Show Period will have a pre-game show, tamely retitled The Best Darn Super Bowl Pre-Game Show, Period, because god knows that hearing the word “damn” will offend our delicate sensibilities and ruin our children. Imagine if, after seeing all the Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis ads, the little kiddies turn and ask, “Daddy, what the hell is a four-hour damn erection?” Such profanity!
But the height of hypocrisy is reached regarding the performers at the halftime show…
Super Bowl show vows to keep it clean – The Washington Times: Nation/Politics – January 28, 2005: Pop great Paul McCartney is the star of the halftime show; and John Fogerty; the Charlie Daniels Band; Earth, Wind and Fire; and Alicia Keys are among the pre-game entertainers.
OK, so far so good. Who doesn’t love McCartney? Fogerty’s also one of my favorites. Charlie Daniels, despite his redneck-redstate politics, is a country fave of mine, and Alicia Keys is awesome. Then there’s Earth, Wind & Fire, my favorite band of all time. I can’t lose! Oh, I was mentioning hypocrisy…
The NFL last week fired Los Lonely Boys, a Texas rock band scheduled to play at a league-organized concert the night before the game, after the group’s drummer was arrested for marijuana possession.
Wait a minute. McCartney, who was arrested in Japan on pot possession charges back in the 70’s, who wrote the song “Band on the Run” about the incident, who was a legendary user of pot, mushrooms, and acid, gets to go on live with no delay…
The halftime show still will be broadcast live. The NFL initially sought a five- or ten-second delay, but Fox felt the presence of Mr. McCartney …made a delay unnecessary.
…but the hottest new band from Texas can’t perform because of a pot possession charge. It’s the timing, I guess. Pot possession thirty years ago, OK, thirty days ago, not so good. What, does it take 30 years to recover from marijuana smoking? What’s the fear here, that the drummer’s so addled with short-term memory loss that he’ll light up a big ol’ bong during the show?
The ultimate irony is that the drummer for Los Lonely Boys is named Ringo. Seriously. Ringo Garza. So named because his musician father was a huge Beatles fan.
Hmm, what marijuana-related skeletons can we find in the other performers’ closets, courtesy of the omniscient Google?
John Fogerty: “Ceedence was different from a lot of the other bands in San Francisco. We may have looked a lot like everyone else in those days, but I was antidrug, which was a weird stance to be taking then. I did my very small share of dabbling with marijuana, but that was as far as it ever went.”
Charlie Daniels (from his song “Long Haired Country Boy”): “People say I’m no good – I’m crazy as a loon – ’cause I get stoned in the morning – I get drunk in the afternoon.”
Earth, Wind & Fire: Got to Get You Into My Life – The Beatles …Paul McCartney has described this Motown pastiche as “an ode to pot”, albeit one disguised as a regular love song. …[re-recorded] in 1978, by Earth Wind & Fire in the Beatles movie tribute, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Alicia Keys: The Greenhouse is yet another of the [Amsterdam’s annual] Cannabis Cup’s “big-time” participants… Customers have included superstars like Dennis Hopper, George Clinton, Eminem, Alicia Keys, Rita Marley, Woody Harrelson and many others, making the Greenhouse a special place to visit.
Lesson learned: Experiment with it, sing about it, celebrate it, but if you get caught, you don’t get to perform at the Super Bowl for at least thirty years.
