I knew I had checked into Bizarro World when Republicans were supporting the draft-dodging, coke-snorting, DUI-convicted deserter and were questioning the military service of a war-hero veteran with twenty years federal government service.

But my spirits were buoyed today as I manned the phones at Oregon Democratic Headquarters. I had a list of registered voters in Clatsop County, Oregon (NW Coast). As I scanned my list, it was all Republicans and Non-Affiliated (I suppose calling the Democrats is a waste of time.) Most of the list were people above the age of 50, so I steeled myself for circling a lot of “5’s” (1=Kerry, 2=Lean Kerry, 3=Undecided, 4=Lean Bush, 5=Bush), figuring older folks + coast house = Rich Republican Retirees. As it was Saturday, I did get a lot of “NA’s” (No Answer” and “R’s” (refused), and the few people I did get who were home were “5’s”.

But as my time came to a close, I called an 84-year-old woman named Winifred. Registered Republican, voted in the last five elections. She told me she’s a Republican, but this year she’s voting for Kerry, because she just can’t stand what Bush has done in Iraq.

Then there’s the “3’s” — what’s up with that? I have more respect for the “5’s” than I do the “3’s”. How in the hell could you be undecided? Either you get your talking points from God and FauxNews and can’t bear the thought of gays getting married, women having abortions, teachers teaching sex-ed and evolution, welfare queens spitting out babies, and corporations being fairly taxed, so you vote Bush, or you have a functioning cerebral cortex, haven’t been living in a cave the past three-and-a-half years, think that intelligence and character in a president matters, believe in science, think government should be open and honest, and think corporations should be enticed to create jobs for Americans, so you vote Kerry. Just what are the “3’s” waiting for?

One theory: The “3’s” are waiting to see who the winner is likely to be and are withholding their vote until they know they can be on the “winning” side.

Fortunately I didn’t get one single “6” or “7” — leaning or voting for Nader. Still, I have more respect for the Naderites than the Undecideds. And I respect the Bushies more than the Naderites — at least the Bushies think they are voting in their own self-interest.

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