Psst! Hey, Edwin! This is The Lord. I want you to cut the extra skin off of your eight-year-old son’s penis. Yes, really. Your little boy’s foreskin offends Me. It is an abomination unto Me. Huh? Well, I don’t know, why don’t you use a hunting knife or something? What’s that? My only son!– Must I figure out everything? Probably somewhere you can clean up easily; it’s gonna be messy. Try a tile floor or, wait, I know, a bathtub! Now get crackin’, that little boy’s foreskin is starting to piss Me off!
Apparently when God isn’t busy telling Dubya to drop napalm and depleted uranium shells on Iraqi civilians, he’s telling wackaloon truck-driving overbreeders to mutilate their kids. From The Oregonian:
VANCOUVER — Edwin Baxter made a “foolish mistake” motivated by his religion when he tried to circumcise his 8-year-old son, but it was not criminal, said the boy’s grandfather. A Clark County jury disagreed Tuesday, finding Edwin Baxter guilty of second-degree assault of a child. He faces as long as three years in prison.
Not criminal, eh, Grandpa? Let’s take a hunting knife to your twig-n-berries and see how strong your definition of “not criminal” is, shall we?
“From my reading of Scriptures . . . and researching some Hebrew, I had no reason to think I would be in violation of any of God’s laws in any way,” he said. “I felt it was an act of obedience that was spoken from the mouth of the self-existent creator.”
Oh, well, I didn’t realize that you were a trained seminarian, expert in Hebrew, and had a direct line of communication with God. My bad.
According to testimony during the two-day trial, Edwin Baxter on Sept. 3 had his son lay in a bathtub, numbed the area with ice, and — using a 3-inch serrated hunting knife — attempted to circumcise the boy. When the boy started bleeding, Edwin Baxter doused the wound with a veterinary powder used to clot blood when castrating bulls, but he eventually called 9-1-1 when the bleeding wouldn’t stop.
I see, you’re an expert theologian, but not so good with veterinary medicine. I can understand the mistake, seeing how similar bulls and little boys are.
Bruce Baxter said his grandson was not forced into the bathtub. The boy understood he was going to be circumcised.
“They talked about it; they prayed about it; he knew,” Bruce Baxter said. “He doesn’t believe he assaulted his child.”
Daddy, explain to me again why God wants you to chop off the turtleneck on my pee-pee? I promise not to touch it again, I promise!
Her worry now is what will happen to her son’s family. His wife, Tammy, is pregnant with their 10th child; Edwin Baxter, a truck driver, is the sole income earner.
Sounds like the wrong male in that family is getting his cock chopped off.
“They’re going to be a destitute family with their sole support in prison,” Paula Baxter said.
Here’s how you might not be such a destitute family: buy some condoms, take the pill, get a patch. They’re all a lot cheaper than raising a kid! Why do all these religious people have to be such life hogs? It’s not the eighteenth century anymore; you don’t need a litter of kids to run the farm and raise the chances that at least two will survive through famine and pestilence. They increase the societal burden, especially on public education, and then vote for Republicans who cut the programs that fund education and care for destitute families. Ah, the irony!
Bruce Baxter said his daughter-in-law fears losing her children to foster care.
As long as the foster parents keep the hunting knives away from the boys, this is a good thing.
