So… if you’re surfing the net and wondering, what’s up with that “Radical” Russ guy who won that radio contest?… Well, here I am, wondering many of the same things you are. When does the show start? What stations will carry it? What will your show be about? Is Bill Press as delightfully charming in person as he is on the radio? Is Big Eddie really that big? What is the answer to the Universe?

April. I don’t know. About two hours. Yes. I guess so. 42.

The details of the show launch are being worked out between all the corporate and non-profit organizations involved. We’re looking to do some demo material in March to pitch to the affiliates. I’m getting online to spruce up the ol’ blog site by moving over to a SoapBlox platform. In the meantime, I’ve been mulling around ideas for the show. I figured I’d start by just going with a stream-of-consciousness exercise – what could I use for a quick and clever intro to the show between commercial breaks?

Here they are, alphabetized. Some I like, most I don’t, but maybe this provides some insight into what kind of show you’re going to be getting.

Hi, I’m ______ and You’re listening to “Radical” Russ Belville on the “Radical” Russ Show…

…a free radical in the body politic.

…a guy who has done less drugs than Rush Limbaugh, lost less gambling than Bill Bennett, has fewer marriages than Rudy Giuliani, and did less drinking than George W. Bush. Not for a lack of trying, though.

…advancing the long, rock-hard gay agenda, shoving it in your face and forcing it down your throat. In other words, expecting you to grow up and treat gay people like human beings.

…an open-minded guy, but not so open-minded that his brains fall out.

…an unindicted co-conspirator in the plot to take America back for the people.

…and he is not some pot-smokin’, sushi-eatin’, New York Times readin’, latte sippin’, tree-huggin’, Volvo-drivin’ liberal. He drives a Jeep.

…and he’s broadcasting from a Hillbilly Heroin-free studio.

…and if you’re riding in the Town Car on your way to the Executive suite to sign papers that cost 30,000 working people their jobs, you’ve probably gotten the wrong radio station. Or maybe not.

…and on any given day he’s far less high than Rush Limbaugh.

…another middle-aged, straight, white male. But try not to hold that against him.

…battling on the front lines [quick sniff] of the War on (Certain American Citizens Who Prefer Non-Pharmaceutical, Non-Alcoholic, Tobacco-Free) Drugs.

…broadcasting from beautiful Portland, Oregon, the land of bike paths, biodiesel, recycling, light-rail, clean air, and environmentally-friendly urban planning. Or as conservatives call it, “tree-hugging”.

…broadcasting from Portland, Oregon, the Left Coast state with medical marijuana, assisted suicide, all-nude strip clubs, state lottery video poker, and no sales tax or self-service gas. And still, surprisingly, God has yet to strike us down.

…calling for some brave, patriotic American woman… or man… to tootle Mr. Bush’s skin flute so we can impeach him already.

…calling on all conservatives to start conserving taxpayer money, conserving natural resources, and conserving soldiers’ lives.

…changing the world, one boy, one girl, one person at a time.

…correct about politics, but not necessarily politically correct.

…diverting the mainstream toward the left bank.

…encouraging anyone still sporting a Bush/Cheney sticker on their car to sign their kids up for the Army and sell the car to buy your kids’ body armor.

…encouraging College and Young Republicans all across America to enlist today. C’mon, Fighting Keyboarders, get out of your Mom’s basement and join Operation Yellow Elephant today!

…fighting for an America that seeks peace, cherishes freedom, and protects the weak. Until then, he’ll settle for an America that just doesn’t torture people, okay?

…fighting for the America our public school history textbooks told us we were.

…first-time caller? Don’t be nervous, he’s a first-time host.

…graduate of the University of Life, School of Hard Knocks, with a GsD in Reality.

…just like Rush Limbaugh, another fat, bald, white guy who took hard drugs, talking politics on the radio, except without the lying, multiple marriages, doctor-shopping, and Viagra-fueled trips to the Dominican Republic.

…living in a world where talking like the Founding Fathers makes you a “radical”.

…making America recognize the ideal that all men are created equal – even the non-white ones, even the non-American ones, and even the homosexual, transgendered, and female ones.

…my brutha from anotha mutha.

…opinions guaranteed 100% correct or double your money back, offer not valid in all states of reality.

…or at least, the chip the CIA implanted in your forehead makes you think you are.

…progressive talk for regular folks who read the news headlines and the funny pages.

…progressive talk for regular folks who suspect Rush, Hannity, O’Reilly, Coulter, Malkin, & Beck are lying to us.

…progressive talk for regular folks who watch a little C-SPAN and a little American Idol.

…progressive talk for regular folks with a dash of humor to make the medicine go down easy.

…reminding the Democratic Party that the enablers are oftentimes sicker than the alcoholics [*cough* George Bush *cough*]

…reminding you that America is not a Free Christian Nation. It is a Free Nation with a lot of Christians in it. There is a difference.

…reminding you that citizens who run up credit card debt and write bad checks are called “deadbeats”, but governments that run up credit card debt and write bad checks are called “Republican”.

…reminding you that freedom of speech does not include the freedom from being offended.

…reminding you that if you cause the loss of $100 thousand and 10 jobs at your company, you’re sacked in disgrace, but if you cause the loss of $100 million and 10,000 jobs, you get a bonus, stock options, and the company jet.

…reminding you that the proponents of Intelligent Design are the best arguments against it.

…reminding you that you’re more liberal than the right-wing media has led you to believe.

…standing up for equal rights for all Americans, no matter who they sleep with or how they do it.

…still trying desperately to make amends for his first-ever presidential vote for George H.W. Bush in 1988.

…the Kelly Clarkson of progressive talk radio.

…the third most famous graduate of Nampa High School in Nampa, Idaho. Go Bulldogs!

…where ‘liberal’ is just another word for ‘moral and reasonable’.

…where popular progressive politics puts people in positions of power over pugnacious plutocrats, pious preachers, and pandering politicians. (See, I told you that microphone screen would help.)

…where separation of church and state isn’t just a good idea, it’s the law.

…where silly high school nicknames from the 1980s never die.

…where the Left is Right and the Right is wrong.

…where the only thing free men and women have to fear is fear itself.

…where we believe love defines a family, not preachers and politicians.

…where we believe this is a government Of the People, By the People, and For the People… as long as you count Corporations as People. Which we do, by the way.

…where we still believe in Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Especially that ‘Happiness’ part.

…which means The Rapture hasn’t happened yet. Or maybe it has. In that case, I’m moving in to an abandoned church.

…who believes America is the greatest country in the world, but it’s our job to make sure America acts like it.

…who believes Bill Clinton was the best black Republican president we’ve ever had.

…who believes that all military recruiting offices should be housed in VA hospitals.

…who believes the only military draft we should ever authorize would be for the sons and daughters of the Executive and Legislative Branch.

…who never abandoned his National Guard commitments to work on a political campaign in Alabama.

…who remembers when politicians swore on the Bible to uphold the Constitution, and not the other way around.

…who remembers when the Constitution was the supreme law of the land and “signing statements” were reserved for college athletes.

…who thinks there’s nothing sadder than a laid-off blue-collar man driving a beat-up old foreign car with a Bush/Cheney sticker on it.

…who’s lived his entire adult life with a Bush or a Clinton in the White House.

…whose sexy voice and manly left-wing politics make me so… ugh, God, Russ, do I have to read this? It’s grossing me out!

…wondering when our public school teachers get some no-bid, cost-plus contracts to teach our kids.

…wondering why a single mom has to work two jobs to make ends meet and CEO only has to work two minutes.

…wondering why the American people don’t get 1/10^th the pay raises or health care coverage that Congressmen get.

…your Red State Refugee, rescuing Republicans from Rush’s rhetoric and returning right-wingers to reality.

…your working-class, used-car driving, paycheck-to-paycheck, livin’-in-the-real-world progressive talk show host.