I’m always amazed at George W. Bush. I love it when he prepares so hard for a big speech, how he takes the time to rehearse all the big words, and especially how he is able to deliver such grotesque distortions of truth while still keeping a straight face. He is truly born for the job — he’s the perfect liar because he’s not smart enough to figure out the sophisticated lies and he’s evangelical enough to buy into the simple lies.

There were so many falsehoods in his speech, and plenty of bloggers are out there tearing them down. For me, it was more about the symbolism.

First there was that moment of Bush trying to lay out a complex financial argument in favor of his Social Security privatization scheme. It was heartening to hear the Democrats call him out on his lies by booing during his most extreme bullshit. Of course, Republicans’ feelings are hurt because we dared boo the president. They would never stoop so low as to boo, well except when Kerry showed up at the Inauguration or the three or four SOTU speeches Clinton gave that drew boos… other than those times, they’d never boo.

Then there’s the symbolism of the ink-stained finger. The wingnuts are so good at high-school spirit-week political theater. “He said there would be an election, and by God, there was one!” Their display was more “Bush was right!” than any appreciation of Iraqi freedom. These same people were wearing little purple band-aids at the RNC. They have no shame.

Oh, and what about the staged hug and use of a dead soldier’s mom for political points? Touching. Bush couldn’t attend the kids’ funeral, nor show his flag-draped coffin coming home, nor pay for his meals at Walter Reed, but he has no problem using his mom as a prop. Nice. I also liked the one-armed PFC in the balcony. “Gee, I’d like to applaud you, Mr. President, but I lost an arm so that your bubble-brained sycophants could wave around purple-stained fingers.”

Didja hear the great news? Laura Bush is going to solve the problem of youth violence and gangs! When I think of the people qualified to understand the problems of inner-city youth in the ghetto, my mind immediately turns to a middle-aged librarian from Texas who’s been married to money all her life. If that person had also sold pot as a student and killed someone with her car as a teenager, why that makes her even more qualified.

But there’s plenty more good news from the speech. We’re going to get rid of junk lawsuits like those frivolous asbestos claims that have been haunting Halliburton. So what if you worked in the stuff and contracted mesothelioma, a rare lung cancer contracted almost exclusively from asbestos exposure. No one told you to breathe any of it. You’ve got to take personal responsibility! This is an ownership society, and you own your cancers! (Halliburton, on the other hand, doesn’t deserve to own the $605B in mesothelioma claims it inherited when it bought up a company who exposed their workers to asbestos.)

The Iraqi elections were a wonderful thing and we’ll be withdrawing our troops. Soon. But not according to any fixed date, because then “they” will just “wait us out”. So when the Iraqis can provide their own security, we’ll leave. You know, like the South Koreans. Or the Germans. And we love our troops, because they “volunteered” for this mission. I heard Bush emphasize this “volunteer” fact. Sure, they volunteered for one weekend a month and two weeks a year and a college education and limited active duty deployments and the assumption that they’d get proper armor and not have to torture anyone…

That clunking sound you heard was the bone of an anti-gay marriage amendment being tossed to the “values” voters. He might as well talk about it since it is a political impossibility. It even makes him look better to the fundies because it will paint the rest of government as being obstructionist to the will of God. Once again, Bush is doing God’s will and our government is still run by secular forces that will require even more Jesus Juice to overcome!

Two phrases you didn’t hear last night: weapons of mass destruction and Osama bin Laden.

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