I participate in many liberal blogs. I write in on various topics along with many likeminded people from all over the country and even the world. But from time to time, a conservative/Republican will get onto a liberal blog in order to do battle with us evil liberals.
The term for these hacks is “trolls”. I personally think trolls are fun. They always seem to exhibit the same characteristics:
- posts in all-lowercase letters, occasionally peppered with UPPERCASE SHOUTING
- abuse of punctuation, particularly !!!!!!!!
- lots of name-calling, sometimes with profanity
- inability to form coherent logical sentences
- lack of paragraph breaks
- atrocious spelling (with a strange tendency to spell “loose” and “looser” when they mean “lose” and “loser”)
- immature political and religious ideology that essentially breaks down to “I’m on the winning team” or “my God’s bigger than your God!”
Usually, the netiquette about trolls says that you shouldn’t “feed” the trolls — don’t respond to them and they’ll go away. Ah, but not me. I never met a troll I didn’t like to feed. I think it does the service of exposing the heart of most conservatives for all the world to see.
(On the other hand, I welcome discussion with real conservatives and sane Republicans. When the debate focuses on politics and policy, that’s a good thing.)
Anyway, below is my latest exchange with an atypical troll on the Air America Morning Sedition blog. Atypical because this troll could actually spell and form paragraphs. But it’s just trollish enough for you to get the idea.
UN Marks Anti-Corruption Day With Plan to Recover Stolen Funds for Nigeria, Kenya
UN News Service (New York)
December 9, 20004Happy United Nation Anti-Corruption Day(snicker), Blog!
Beam my ass up! The fuckin’ UN needs to start with Kofi Annan and the fuckin’ UN!
You gotta be kiddin’ me… the United Nations & Kofi Annan lecturing the World on Corruption…
….while Masterminding the single largest act of Corruption in the history of the World….
…Oil-for-Food $23 BILLION(and counting) scandal, starving 1,000’s of Iraqi Children in the process, and that makes Ken Lay and Enron look like two-bit thieves!
Nary a word from you Leftists on this Blog regarding your beloved United Nations & its scandal….
…like OUR President, George W. Bush, stated… We don’t need to pass Global Tests!
Wake up and smell the Kofi!
Posted by: bek at December 9, 2004 05:37 PM (EST)
I wasn’t the first to respond. Kevin responded to bek with:
We have enough Neo-Com corruption to work on in this country Cheney, Halliburton, MSM, Delay,ect.
We can let Bush speak about the U.N. This must have made your day:
UNITED NATIONS (Reuters) – The Bush administration expressed confidence in U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan on Thursday and said he should stay in office, in a belated rebuff to demands from Republicans in Congress for his resignation.
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=topNews&storyID=7044870
Posted by: Kevin at December 9, 2004 06:01 PM (EST)
So bek came back with the pretzel logic of:
It’s called Good Guy/Bad Guy, Moron.
A very effective negotiating technique that you obviously cannot learn from your cubicle.
Now what about the oil-for-food scandal, the largest act of corruption in human history?
Posted by: bek at December 9, 2004 06:06 PM (EST)
And Kevin returned volley with:
Just pisses little clowns like you off when your Neo-Com crazy conspiracy take the big flush. Bush understands that the U.N. Security Council was responsible for overseeing and running the Food for Oil program, just so you know Twinkles the U.S. and Britain where part of the group doing the inspections of goods, invoices and transaction to make sure that fraud did not happen. Now go and satisfy your Coulter Blow -Up doll.
Posted by: Kevin at December 9, 2004 06:33 PM (EST)
The response from bek:
I’ve got two prediction for you, pal
1. Kofi Annan will resign over the $23BB Oil-For-Food Scandal… a UN scandal that starved 1000’s of Iraqi Children
2. You leftists and your Democratic Party will continue to play the role of Mole in the game of Election-Whack-A-Mole. The American people will continue to whack you in the teeth every election and reject your Socialistic Ideas.
Finally, Election Victory is sweet…you should try it sometime, Kevin.
Posted by: bek at December 9, 2004 06:45 PM (EST)
This is where I come in with some troll smackdown:
bek, I agree, the Oil-for-Food scandal was horrendous. I sure wish some of the permanent members of the UN Security Council would’ve done something about it. (What’s that? WE’RE permanent members? Oh. Nevermind.)
You’re right, Kofi Annan was in charge, and even though he had no personal involvement, there’s principle. If you’re the leader, you should step down when your underlings fock up so severely that thousands of innocents die. (What’s that? “Bin Laden determined to attack inside the United States”? Oh. Nevermind.)
I also agree that we need to stop our Socialistic practices, starting with the Marxist from-each-according-to-ability,-to-each-according-to-need practice of redistributing tax money to red states. Let Alabama, North Dakota, and the rest of the government-teat-sucking red states pay for their own damn highways and bridges!
Next, let’s keep the pathetic corporatized health care system we have. Much better that the market support expensive emergency room treatment for the poor than for the government to provide cheap preventative health care for all.
While we’re at it, let’s keep shortchanging school funding and funnelling that money into prisons. Why spend dimes on socialistic public education when we can spend dollars on privitized prisons?
The architects of your sweet Election Victory have given us — all of us — a budget surplus turned into the largest-ever deficit, the first net loss of jobs since the ’20s, 3000 dead New Yorkers, 1276 dead soldiers and the rest without decent armor, the two biggest intelligence failures in US history, $225B sunk into the Iraquagmire, the sanction of torture, the emnity of the entire world, the lowest rates for the dollar in decades, 40 million citizens (8 million children) with no health care, decimation of our civil liberties, mercury in our fish and dioxins in our air, a bitterly divided country, and a leader who can only utter two types of sentences: mangled or lies. Great work! Good thing the Democrats can’t run a half-way decent campaign, or else the country might be really focked-up!
Congratulations! It must feel wonderful to be on the winning team! Hooray for your side! I’ll bet the flag on your car is bigger than anyone else’s in your neighborhood.
That’s all the troll food I have for this evening. Come on back again when Hannity & Limbaugh give you something new to say.
Posted by: “Radical” Russ at December 9, 2004 08:28 PM (EST)
And now the fun begins. (Just the call and response from this point on; I think you get the format.)
Geez Radical Truss
Your Democratic party and your candidate Kerry must have really been fucked up to not triumph against the above list!
Must be frustrating…are you in PEST counseling?
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Truss: A supportive device, usually a pad with a belt, worn to prevent enlargement of a hernia or the return of a reduced hernia.
Posted by: bek at December 9, 2004 09:44 PM (EST)
bek – you make my day. If anyone has doubts about the true soul of conservatism, they need only look to you.
I will give you some credit. Unlike most trolls, you do seem to grasp the shift key and don’t abuse exclamation points. Though you slipped a bit with the maniacal laughing. There’s kids in Africa dying from a shortage of lowercase “a”‘s, you know.
Wait, maybe that was a literary device, an onomatopoeical attempt at a ’50s B movie mad scientist. Most writers would be satisfied with “bwaa-ha-ha-ha”, but being the visionary you are, you go the extra mile. Or, maybe you’re just a typical wasteful undereducated Republican. I can’t decide which.
Unlike you, I don’t look at political races as “my team vs. your team.” I tend to think of them as “who’s least likely to irreparably destroy the country I love?” You’re gloating like a Red Sox fan in a room full of Yankee faithful. I wish the stakes were as irrelevant as steroidal millionaires competing for a shiny trophy and a gaudy ring.
Am I disappointed that the Democratic Party couldn’t run the campaign necessary to defeat Bush? Yes, but I’m more disappointed that 51% of my fellow voting citizens can blindly follow their god-and-supreme-court-selected corporate puppet straight to hell, taking the rest of us with ’em. Doomed to repeat history, I’m afraid.
Remember: 51% to 49% isn’t a hell of a lot of margin. And we’re all concentrated where the money and power are.
Thanks for the laughs. “Radical Truss!” Golly, that’s clever. My name is “Russ”, but you called me “Truss”! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! I thought you were suggesting that I should arrange myself for cooking by binding closed my legs, like a fowl, or maybe you were comparing me to a stabilizing rod in the neck of a guitar, but you meant “truss” like a device for the support of a hernia. Oh, please, stop, I can’t breathe! You’re a riot! That’s so much funnier than the “Russ, Russ, big as a bus” chant the kids used in 2nd grade.
Posted by: “Radical” Russ at December 9, 2004 11:41 PM (EST)
This is what I do for a hobby. Somehow, it’s fun to me!
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