I don’t get nearly enough laughs in my life. That’s why I like to subscribe to e-mail updates from right-wing and evangelical websites. Especially from my favorite Idaho politician/activist, Bible Barbie Brandi. Here’s the latest news from Ms. Swindell:

You may remember that I was peacefully arrested kneeling around the 10 Commandments monument in 2004. I recently completed my 25 hours of community service at the Idaho Youth Ranch. It was a great experience. During my campaign a handful of people tried to use the arrest against me. Apparently they are not aware that peaceful civil disobedience has been used throughout history to uphold what is just and lawful.

Normally, I would be very excited by an attractive blonde flexible enough for such contortions, if only her twisting were physical rather than rhetorical.

Brandi, the voters in the election you lost by forty points — you know, the one where your opponent beat you by more votes than you got — are quite aware of the history of civil disobedience. But please, white girl, preach on…

I, along with the majority of Americans, believe that the public posting of the 10 commandments is constitutional and a critical part of religious freedom. I am inspired by a quote from Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.

Ah, see Brandi, that’s exactly it. You note that you recently completed your 25 hours of community service. What your opponents brought up was the fact that you hadn’t completed those hours before running for city council, then tried to get the punishment reduced to a $100 fine because 25 hours of community service would place an “undue burden” on your activism schedule. You couldn’t be bothered to serve your sentence; Dr. King actually had to sit out his sentence in the Birmingham jail. Comparing your quick booking and bail posting at the Ada County jail over the “injustice” of removing a granite slab of Jewish scripture from a city park to Dr. King’s struggle should make my head explode from ironic hyperbole overload… but five years of George W. Bush has raised my tolerance.

I will be speaking to a group of 40 students at the Mission Medic School in Boise tomorrow afternoon. I will be teaching on abortion here in America and around the world. The Mission Medic School is a college level course taught through the Vineyard College of Mission’s Mercy department as a two semester course. Students are being trained to work and live among the urban poor and rural poor in third world countries at the Mercy In Action’s Maternal/Child Health Clinics.

My talk will include science, philosophy, and moral common sense to show that the pro-life position is sound. Those who support abortion use flawed reasoning and emotional appeals meant to obscure the real issue, which is that abortion kills innocent human beings.

Yeah, so? War kills innocent human beings. Police kill innocent human beings. Capital punishment kills innocent human beings. The guilty-to-innocent ratio is certainly higher in combat zones, mistaken SWAT warrants, and the gas chamber, but these innocents are living breathing born people we can all agree are fully human. We seem to believe, as a society, that a certain amount of killing innocent human beings is unavoidable, and, frankly, some of it may be necessary. So, unless you’re consistently anti-abortion, anti-war, anti-police-brutality, and anti-capital-punishment, spare me the “abortion is murder” argument (what was that about “emotional appeals”?) when what we’re really discussing is whether women should be allowed to have sex for pleasure and remain in control of their bodies, even if they make bad choices. Or should every woman’s sexual life commence under the constant threat of government enforcement of procreation?

We have learned from over 30 years of so called “safe legal abortion” that it is not safe for women. We now have clear evidence that the physical and emotional consequences of abortion are devastating. The abortion industry has set its sights on impoverished women around the world. There is an aggressive movement to promote and even force abortion in third world countries. Women deserve better than abortion. These women need a helping hand not a quick fix. The Mission Medic School has trained many medics to work in a variety of situations that involve prenatal, postpartum, newborn and under five years child care. To find out more about this life-affirming school visit www.mercyinaction.org

See what I mean? Before five years of Bush, when reason still ruled the world, I’d be cross-eyed and stuttering after reading so many lies and inaccuracies in one paragraph. I’ll give her this, she’s doggedly determined and resolutely ignorant.

Plus, I can get behind trained medics for prenatal, postpartum, newborn, infant, and maternal care for impoverished women. Of course, one look at the website and you realize the helping the poor women is served up with a heaping helping of Jeebus. You probably guessed that already.

I’m also completely in support of measures we could take to improve women’s health and family planning options, so there would be less of those abortions. Which is why I’m so happy to see pro-life Republicans like Brandi so solidly in support of birth control and sex education… KA-BLAMMO! (dang, done gone and blowed up my own head!)