> I have come to the conclusion that you not liking baseball is pretty much a birth defect. See your doctor.

You’re right. I have this terrible illness that only allows me to enjoy television programs that contain more average activity per minute than I’m exerting by watching the program. I’ve written so many times about why I hate baseball, but here’s the latest reason. When one team plays another, it’s advertised as “Road team (A. Jones) vs. Home team (Z. Smith)” — it’s all about the pitcher. Pitchers get wins and losses. In all of the rest of the team sports, no one member of the team is so much more important than the others.

And another thing: the DH. What kind of insanity is it to have different sets of rules for each conference? Imagine the NFL if intentional grounding was legal in the NFC, but not the AFC. Or the NBA if goaltending was legal in the Western Conference, but not the Eastern. Or NHL where the Eastern Conference is not penalized for icing. And each year in the Super Bowl, NBA Finals, and Stanley Cup Finals, we alternate whether we allow intentional grounding, goaltending, and icing. Insane.

Oh, and how about the latest: deciding the home field advantage based on the results of an exhibition game! Imagine if the Super Bowl was played at the home of last year’s Pro Bowl winning conference. Crazy.

One more: what’s with the managers wearing the same outfit as the players? Anyone want to see Mike Holmgren in pads? Or Pat Riley in a tank top and shorts? Or Scotty Bowman on skates? And what’s with the temper tantrums the managers throw at the umpires? I guess they have to have some sort of drama. Geez, the game takes three-and-a-half hours already and we’re watching a fat man in tights, spittle flying, six inches from the face of another fat man in black padding, screaming about whether that ball flying 95 MPH on a curve floated above the back right corner of the plate or not. Uh, couldn’t this be electronically determined?

But don’t despair, Tonyman, at least it’s not soccer. At least they let you use your hands in baseball. And unlike soccer, the way these steroid freaks with corked bats are hitting these days, at least you usually get more than a 1-0 score after those 3.5 hours. Those numerous clips of the ball flying into the stands that dominate SportsCenter are so entertaining.

“Radical” Russ — the same mutated gene that prevents me from enjoying baseball also prevents me from enjoying Jimmy Buffett… For many of the same reasons…