Another thing has stuck in my craw about yesterday’s medical intake form’s choices for gender. Just what does “non-binary” mean?
I’ve read that is for people who do not identify with either being a man or a woman, that their gender falls somewhere in between. Or neither. I’m not sure, really.
I mean, as a man, there are things I share with all men. We all experienced embarrassing junior high erections. We know the icy pain of being kicked in the nuts. We feel a similar arousal cycle in sexual situations — ok, yes, hell yes, oh my God, I’m done.
As a straight man, my desires center around females, but I still share the same type of desire (erection-fueled insanity) as gay men do.
Women have similar shared experiences. First period. Awareness of the male gaze. Embarrassing junior high breast growth. Other stuff I wouldn’t know about. Straight or lesbian, they share a similar sexual response.
But what experiences do non-binary people like Eliot Page, Demi Lovato, and Eddie Izzard share? What makes them all alike? One was born female and surgically transitioned to male, the next was born female and stayed female, the last was born male and stayed male.
It just seems we are doing a lot of hair-splitting to provide nomenclature for every possible variation of human sexuality and expression. That’s fine, I suppose. I guess I just don’t see the point in it.
For instance, knowing you’re male or female, straight or gay or bisexual, those are necessary data points for navigating sexual encounters. “I’m a male who fancies females” needs to find “I’m a female who fancies males.”
But “I’m non-binary” doesn’t even do the service of telling me what you’re not. I’d only have sex with one of the three non-binary people I listed above. And are there people out there only attracted to the non-binary? Would they have sex with any of the non-binaries I listed? Would that make them anti-omnisexual?
Again, no big deal where we’re discussing gender. Gender is a made up social thing. But where does that impact one’s medical care? Men need urologists, women need OB/GYNs, which doctor does Eliot Page, Demi Lovato, and Eddie Izzard need? Are there special diseases, conditions, organs, and systems the non-binary have or lack compared to the binary?
Some of this, to be honest, feels a lot like desperately finding a way to be special, especially among white people. “No, I’m not some boring old cookie-cutter straight white girl… I’m non-binary!”