It is clear that Drug War Joe Biden has been elected president by amassing a 306-vote Electoral College victory over incumbent yam Donald Trump.
As the networks were finally calling Pennsylvania for Biden, here at RadicalRuss Radio, one of our reporters was able to reach the one-term failure of a president while he was cheating at golf in New Jersey to get his thoughts on what a 306-vote Electoral College victory means.
“Well, I lost the election and so badly (306),” said the clinical definition of malignant narcissism as he kicked an errant ball out of the rough onto the fairway. “Congratulations, Joe, on your MASSIVE (306-232) Electoral College landslide victory!“
Three-hundred twenty pounds of bullshit whiffed on his next shot. “You didn’t see that,” it told our reporter. “I mean, Joe easily won the Electoral College! In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, he won the popular vote, too.”
Our reporter asked the sentient tribble parasitically affixed to an unidentifiable orange xenomorph if it felt losing the popular vote twice in a row by a larger margin was a greater rebuke than losing the Electoral College.
“Campaigning for the Popular Vote is much easier & different than campaigning for the Electoral College. It’s like training for the 100 yard dash vs. a marathon. The brilliance of the Electoral College is that you must go to many States to win. With the Popular Vote, you go to….“
The embodiment of the Founders’ worst nightmares paused, smacked his ball into the woods, reached into its pocket and dropped another ball before continuing.
“….just the large States – the Cities would end up running the Country. Smaller States & the entire Midwest would end up losing all power – & we can’t let that happen. I used to like the idea of the Popular Vote, but now realize the Electoral College is far better for the U.S.A.“
When pressed on the importance of the anachronistic compromise with slavers we use to select the president that’s given us a popular vote loser twice this century, the demonic love child of Jersey Shore’s Snooki and Star Wars’ Jabba the Hutt was steadfast.
“When Joe easily won the Electoral College, the whole game changed,” it snorted, hitting a middling 5-iron shot that sliced off the fairway, causing it to grumble “fuck!” while simultaneously farting. “He got 306! They were sooooo wrong in their election coverage. Still hurting!“
Our reporter asked why, if 306 Electoral College votes is such a “MASSIVE” “landslide,” doesn’t the president to be forever loathed for making George W. Bush look intelligent, statesmanlike, and compassionate by comparison just tell his henchmen to stop the frivolous voting lawsuits?
“They should be focused on building up our Country, not wasting everyone’s time and energy on BULLSHIT, which is what they have been doing ever since Joe got overwhelmingly elected, 232-306. I thought and felt Joe would win big, easily over the fabled 270 (306).“
The anthropomorphized YouTube comment section would not stop hammering on Joe Biden’s 306 Electoral College votes as it lumbered over to a weary golf cart and a frightened caddy. “He easily won, 306-232! How come he beat me so badly, 306-232? Maybe I’m just not very good! The fact is I am going CRAZY only because I know they can prosecute me in 2021!“
The depressed amalgam of ambergris, rubles, and Mark Burnett’s taint sweat foisted itself on the creaking golf cart and rode off to the eleventh tee, the strains of “Y.M.C.A.” playing on small Bluetooth speaker as our intrepid reporter kept trying to correct it on the fact that it had won the 2016 election with 304 Electoral Votes, two fewer than president-elect Biden.